and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
