I think I just saw someone hide a body.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
