What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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