ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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