Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
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