oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
