these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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