Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
