what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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