Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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