if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I cut my penus on the lid.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
