My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
