Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Randomize
