he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
