i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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