Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
