woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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