watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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