just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
