having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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