in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Holy sore nipples Batman
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
