winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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