Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
