my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize