Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I FOUND THE LEGS
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
