this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
