He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
