Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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