im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
