so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
