Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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