Only a mothe r could love this liver
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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