I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
