I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
