I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
