I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
