I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
