I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
