Moan for me like Helen Keller
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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