I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I need to stop coming to work sober
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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