billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
