were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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