If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Woke up backwards on a recliner
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Randomize
