How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
