You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
