whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize