Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
