U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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