Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
