we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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