my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
