ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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