I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
