did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
