Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
barbara walters just said penis...
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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