Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
