Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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