I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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