she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize