I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
