i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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