Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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