he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
