i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Dicks are not precious.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
