She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
