We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
