i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
