my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
