I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
