this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
