So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
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