I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
