dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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