Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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